As winter makes its way past (and we all hope that it occurs
sooner rather than later), we have a pretty good sense, now, of how the new
year is shaping up. Changes related to resolutions that we made may have begun
to occur, while some other ambitions fell by the wayside. That tends to happen
with behavioral goals. Inertia is easier to support than activity. Someone
joked that while hard work may eventually win the day, procrastination has an
immediate payoff. It's hard to beat that kind of reinforcement sometimes!
You've probably
noticed that our language has a variety of ways of referencing an event or an
activity. For example, take doing one thing day in and day out. Is it a habit
or routine? Is it a pattern? Or perhaps the same behavior might be associated
with a pejorative referent--a rut. Any behavior can be spun to reflect a
positive, neutral, or negative tone. And we may then end up reacting to the
descriptor that we used rather than to the behavior itself.
If we listen to
someone who goes on and on about a distressing subject, the expression may be
characterized as a rant. Ranting and raving are associated with lunatics, and
that image is less than supportive. What if the emotional expression was called
"venting," instead? Blowing off steam. The boiler analogy is a bit
more favorable. Or if we walk away thinking, "he really needed to get that
off his chest," well, then there is a whole different connotation
involved. It sounds more supportive!
Exercise,
fulfillment of creative endeavors, behavior change for health reasons, all of
these things and more require initial steps to be taken, reinforced, and
supported to continue. Few people would call daily exercise or going one more
day without smoking as a rut. Positive routines. Good stuff!
But what if the new
behavior has not yet become engrained, or maybe not even yet initiated. What if
the old habits, the inertia, the ruts, are difficult to overcome? Starting with
a new sense of perspective might be helpful. What if we called the old habit
not a rut, but maybe a drainage ditch? Or, maybe a pothole? Potholes can
certainly be more easily overcome than ruts! Or, what if we step aside from the
topographical descriptions altogether and consider that perhaps there have been
some barriers that have prevented change?
A barrier could be
a mountain, in which case we are no better off than when we felt stuck in a
rut. But what if the barrier was a sawhorse? Or a gate with a latch that simply
needs to be lifted and then the gate freely opens? What if the barrier is a toddler's
bicycle on the path? We can deal with that!
Change is assisted
by language. Language can help us feel stuck or can help free us. A good place
to start is with awareness of our language. Millions of these ideas, images,
and thoughts go through our minds, and they take on an automaticity. It's hard
to challenge what we can't recognize and sometimes we have to slow things down
so we can catch the words that we use. Two strategies come to mind.
First, write
things down. This could be stream of consciousness thinking without
organization, or it could be more systematic, like a diary or a journal. Or it
could be stopping at random points during the day and doing a mental check
in...what am I thinking right now? Jot a few thoughts on a memo pad.
Second, enlist the
help of a good listener. Tell him or her what it is that you intend to do, and
ask him or her to help catch perceptions that aren't quite so favorable,
looking for those key words like rut, raving, crazy, and so on. Words that
address the barriers that seem to be out there. Consider asking the person not
to help fix the wording, but only to point them out when they arise, as you
have asked.
See if there are
different emotions that are associated with different words, different
descriptors, and different perspectives. They help set the tone for the more
healthy behaviors.
Next time: dealing
with patterns.
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